Mentoring: The Power to Build or Break

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." – Zen Proverb

Mentorship is one of the most transformative relationships we can experience in life. Just as a student seeks guidance to learn and grow, a mentor fulfills their role by sharing wisdom and investing in the success of others. A good mentor sees potential where others see limitations and provides a roadmap to help their mentees navigate challenges and achieve their goals.

I had been hoping and praying for two years that one day I could have a mentor—someone who would help me find and help myself. I longed for someone whose wisdom, skills, and expertise I could learn from. A mentor who wouldn’t simply impart their knowledge but would also help me uncover my own power, much like Yoda guiding Luke Skywalker.

But like any relationship, mentorship can either empower or dishearten. A mentor has the power to inspire, uplift, and guide—but they also hold the potential to discourage, alienate, or harm. My journey has revealed both sides of this coin, showing me how mentorship—or the lack thereof—can profoundly shape a person striving to overcome immense challenges.

The Impact of Negative Mentorship

In the past, I applied and qualified to join a mentorship group that was being announced on LinkedIn. The mentor frequently emphasized the importance of a "two-way relationship," where both encouragement and support flowed equally. At first, it seemed promising, but over time, I noticed a pattern—while celebrating his own achievements, he subtly disparaged those still finding their way. I was observant as to how I could fit in the group.

I was seeking more than just guidance—I needed knowledge, experience, and motivation. I was at a point where I needed to rediscover myself, find my inner strength, and receive a little push and light from outside my frame of view. I also wanted professional guidance on how to elevate my mind, heart, and knowledge, refine my strategies and tactics, and build a personal roadmap that would open doors for my future. Hoping for clarity and mentorship, I opened up about my struggles as well.

However, during one of the most challenging periods of my life, I wasn’t able to stay active on social media, where we primarily communicated. Unaware of what I was going through, he assumed I was ignoring him. Instead of reaching out with understanding, he told me to stop communicating, advised me to seek professional help, and removed me from his group.

That was when I realized this mentorship was not the right fit for me. From this experience, I learned to be careful with whom I entrust the story of my life battles—for not everyone is capable of carrying that weight.

What happened, however, was a blessing in disguise. Instead of continuing to seek guidance from others, I redirected my focus inward. I poured my energy into building my skills and knowledge every night after work. Slowly but surely, I created my own path forward.

This experience taught me that not every mentor is the right fit—and that’s okay. Sometimes, the challenges we face push us to grow in ways we never expected.

I succeeded in achieving most of my short-term goals, but I spread myself too thin, trying to learn everything I could all at once. I was developing skills little by little, but I wasn’t truly getting ahead. I jumped from one CTF to another, one training platform to the next, one subscription after another—on top of my school courses, balancing my Gen Ed at Sophia, and fighting the daily battles of life. I was completely burnt out.

The Positive Transformation with John Young

Then came my unexpected rescue... Mr. John Young, and everything changed.

John Young, MBA, CISSP (ISSAP, ISSEP, ISSMP), CCSP, CGRC, CSSLP, SSCP, CC, CISM, CBSP, is a mentor of unparalleled credibility and expertise. With decades of experience as a CSO, architect, engineer, and cybersecurity SME, John has worked at the forefront of the industry, including 27 years at IBM Cloud Division. He holds all nine ISC2 certifications and serves on the Board of Directors at Quantum eMotion and Cal State Fullerton’s Leadership Advisory Board.

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that someone of such exceptional quality, credibility, and stature would not only notice my passion for the field but also take the time to illuminate my path and guide me toward my goals. John identified my fear and disheartened spirit from a negative post on LinkedIn. The post darkened the tunnel and dimmed the smallest spark of hope among many. He reached out for my hand that was barely gripping the edge of the rope that held my resolve together. In that moment, his words were like a beacon of light, cutting through the darkness and reminding me that I was not alone in my journey. John didn’t just offer encouragement—he provided actionable advice, helping me rebuild my confidence and see the possibilities ahead. With his guidance, I felt my grip strengthen, my vision clear, and my faith reignite, giving me the courage to press forward with determination.

John didn’t just offer generic advice—he took the time to truly understand me. He read what I call the "novel of my life" and helped me see my story from a fresh perspective. He challenged me to look at my journey from outside the frame and appreciate everything I’ve overcome. John’s words fired me up. He said,"If you’ve come this far, you’re just one inch away from victory!”

For the first time, I could breathe. We are still on the early stage of mentoring but John took time to discuss the most significant step for me to break through my walls. He made me see one year as one inch, reminding me that progress isn’t about rushing—it’s about focus and strategy. He reassured me that I have all the time in the world to build my toolkit and sharpen my skills. More importantly, John didn’t just teach me how to strategize; he helped me see the urgency of breaking free from my weaknesses and habits. Having gone through so much in my life, the strong inner version of me—the strong-willed, small-but-terrible “Loy”—had been pounded by trauma and insecurity. All I needed was to believe again: to believe that I can do it, and that I am not alone. I can do this! A change of mindset will create change within me and around me.

During one conversation, John said something that struck me deeply: "I need you to do something right now. Even as we speak, I notice the way you express yourself. If you wish to break into cybersecurity, remove the words ‘I am scared’ or ‘I fear’ from your vocabulary." His advice wasn’t just about technical skills—it was about changing my mindset, replacing doubt with confidence, and speaking with the assurance that I could achieve my goals. I realized then that fear and faith cannot coexist. Faith must stand unwavering—not diluted by even the slightest trace of fear. Faith must be like pure silver, refined in the fire, where every trace of dross is consumed and cast away. Only when the impurities are removed can the silver gleam with its true brilliance, ready to be shaped into a vessel of purpose. Likewise, only when faith is freed from fear can it shine with its full strength and guide us toward our goals.

And with that foundation of faith over fear, we laid my roadmap from where I was at to where I want to be.

The Power of an Effective Mentor-Mentee Relationship

An effective mentor-mentee relationship is a partnership built on trust, understanding, and shared goals. A great mentor sees beyond the surface—identifying both strengths and weaknesses—and provides a roadmap for growth. Equally, a committed mentee is willing to listen, adapt, and apply the guidance they receive.

In my case, John didn’t just tell me what to do; he showed me how to make it happen. He took the time to analyze my challenges, offer tailored advice, and encourage me to focus strategically. That’s what mentorship should be: a relationship where both parties work together to turn potential into progress.

A good mentor provides clarity where there’s confusion, hope where there’s doubt, and direction where there’s chaos.

Similarly, a mentee’s willingness to embrace feedback, remain teachable, and stay committed to their goals creates the foundation for growth.

Together, this relationship becomes a powerful force for transformation.

Moving Forward with Gratitude

Thanks to John, I now feel hope and excitement for what lies ahead. He’s shown me that I’m not alone on this journey and that with focus and determination, I can build the career I’ve always dreamed of.

To mentors, remember the profound influence you hold. Choose to be a builder, not a breaker. And to mentees, don’t settle for a mentor who dismisses your journey or measures your worth by their own standards. Seek someone who takes the time to know you, believes in your potential, and equips you to achieve your goals. Desire someone who is great but humble at heart and you will grow with stature. I hope you find one who is generous to share their life's experience and expertise believing that you can be their work of art or a reflection of their own dedication and passion. A true mentor sees beyond your current abilities, recognizing the potential that lies within you. May you find a mentor who not only shares knowledge but also fosters confidence, resilience, and self-belief. Someone who corrects with kindness, challenges with purpose, and celebrates your victories as if they were their own. And as you grow, may you, in turn, become an encourager who inspires and uplifts others, carrying forward the legacy of guidance and growth.

With the right mentor, the path becomes clearer, and every step forward feels like a victory. I am grateful to have found a mentor like John Young and inspired to one day pay it forward, helping others find their way in the same way he’s helped me.